When your family decides to embark on an expat journey to China, it’s easy to focus on the excitement: the packed bags, the new job, and the adventure of a lifetime. But let’s be honest—adjusting to life in a new country isn’t all just fun and games. It comes with serious challenges, particularly for expat spouses, who often find themselves navigating unfamiliar terrain both literally and emotionally.

China is an amazing place— I say that from over 20 years of experience. But when you first arrive, you’ll face significant hurdles before it feels like home. Based on my own journey and the experiences of many of my coaching clients and results of recent research, here are the six most common challenges expat spouses encounter in China:

1.Changing Identity: From Working Professional to “Trailing Spouse”

Many expat spouses leave full-time careers behind and suddenly find themselves unsure how to fill their time. In China, obtaining work visas or professional opportunities can be complex, particularly in sectors like architecture, banking, or education. This abrupt change can lead to a feeling of aimlessness or even a loss of purpose. Research highlights that maintaining professional continuity or pivoting to new opportunities abroad is key to long-term well-being (ChapmanCG, 2024). According to recent studies, career loss can lead to feelings of inadequacy and depression in expat spouses, with many reporting struggles with identity and self-worth. One approach is to combat this problem is to proactively plan for new opportunities, whether through remote work, further education, or volunteering.

2.Building Friendships: Crossing Cultural and Language Barriers

Making new friends—both locals and fellow expats—is another key struggle. Research indicates that building cross-cultural friendships can enhance emotional well-being and adaptation success. Yet, studies show that few expats successfully establish meaningful local relationships in their first year abroad. The rise of localized cities beyond Tier 1 hubs has increased challenges for expats in cities where English is less commonly spoken. Utilizing online platforms and participating in community events helps bridge this gap, but consistency and patience are required.

3.Coping with Culture Shock: From Daily Routines to Deep Cultural Differences

Culture shock often hits hardest in the day-to-day. From small inconveniences like payment methods to larger cultural dynamics, adapting can feel overwhelming. China’s rapid transformation, combined with its strong cultural identity, makes it difficult for many expat spouses to find their rhythm in daily life. A focus on cultural intelligence (CQ) can improve adaptation, but many spouses report that it takes months, if not years, to feel fully adjusted.

4.Adapting to Daily Life: Transportation, Language, and Logistics

Navigating the practical aspects of life in China—whether it’s grocery shopping or understanding local healthcare—can be daunting. Tier 1 cities may offer more convenience, but even here, language barriers and technological differences (like WeChat dominance) can be a struggle. Some expats and their spouses find themselves reliant on translation apps and community support networks, especially when it comes to navigating life. Having a structured plan and seeking help early on is key. Many families benefit from coaching or local guides to ease this transition.

5.Staying Connected with Home: Balancing Time Zones and Distance

Maintaining ties with family and friends back home is crucial, but geographical and perceived mental distance make this challenging. Emotional support from family, even remotely, can be vital for expat well-being, improving mental health and helping spouses feel less isolated. The significant time zone difference with the West and restricted access to common apps like WhatsApp can amplify feelings of isolation.

6.Communicating with Locals: Beyond Language, Understanding Nuance

Learning Mandarin, or even basic conversational phrases, can feel overwhelming but is essential for daily life. Linguistic barriers significantly affect an expat’s ability to adapt, but even learning basic phrases can foster smoother interactions and greater integration into local communities. But even if you’ve mastered basic Chinese, many of our expat spouse clients find that understanding local norms and unspoken rules presents an even greater challenge. It’s not just about learning the language—it’s about cultural competence.

Overcoming These Challenges

The most successful expat spouses are those who reflect on their goals and take deliberate steps to overcome obstacles. A close friend of mine—an efficiency expert—designed a project plan for her life in China, setting goals, tracking progress, and constantly revising her approach. As impressive as that is, not everyone is wired that way.

For me, talking things through helped. However, relying on friends often resulted in unsolicited advice, which didn’t always align with what I truly needed. The real shift happened when I started working with a coach. A coach provided me with the space to reflect on my own decisions, without the interference of others’ opinions. It was transformative.

And now, most China Expat Spouse clients are utilizing the coaching sessions we offer to help them navigate transitions.

Need Help?

If any of the above challenges resonate with you and you (like me) believe coaching may help you in your personal journey, book a free 20-minute needs assessment session with me